tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post7507494184306182331..comments2023-11-18T09:28:47.732-08:00Comments on Living here now: Report from Pillville: Read This.Denise Emanuel Clemenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10982725113569943337noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-82387823399068536602015-07-12T12:34:54.418-07:002015-07-12T12:34:54.418-07:00A heartbreaking post, and so very brave. I admire ...A heartbreaking post, and so very brave. I admire you and your mom in this dance, and want to assure you that whenever she chooses to exit stage left, you will know you've done everything, and she knows she is loved, cherished, and you will actually begin to feel some relief that she is no longer suffering. I didn't know I would feel that way, but as much as I miss my mother, I do. Sending love.37paddingtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12400464105403622384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-84085067668891722332015-07-12T10:10:31.079-07:002015-07-12T10:10:31.079-07:00The fatal flaw with all of the death with dignity ...The fatal flaw with all of the death with dignity laws is this: You must be mentally competent with a life expectancy of six months. My brother has early onset Alzheimers. He's reached the point where he can't read, write, use electronics, etc. but he is self aware and knows what it happening to him. He wants to die, immediately. He'll live way more than six months, so his only out is to stop eating and drinking, which is an incredibly terrible way to go. It's one of the worst situations there is. It's hard to stop living without help. Nobody has phenobarbital anymore. I have no children to watch out for me when I am truly old, and I have to say the process of dying scares me more than the act itself. Your Mom is incredibly lucky to have you in her life to protect her from the doctors. We all admire you for doing this.Allisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02475433199308666648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-52118291926881106362015-07-12T09:09:05.660-07:002015-07-12T09:09:05.660-07:00I, too, admire your intentions, strength, guts and...I, too, admire your intentions, strength, guts and all of it.Karen Pokrakahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542160831000964846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-6959953791022925492015-07-12T08:19:25.651-07:002015-07-12T08:19:25.651-07:00Older patients especially don't know that they...Older patients especially don't know that they can say no to treatment. In my humble opinion it is not appropriate to treat a frail, elderly woman with so many other problems. Your mother is dying. It is a natural process that we will all go through eventually. It is not a failure of care or medicine, it is normal. What we as a society don't understand or accept is that we will all die. The trick is not to medicalize death. I just made up a word.<br /><br />I hope I'm not too blunt. I'm a nurse and it breaks my heart to see patients assaulted as they die. My own father died of pneumonia, after years of liver failure. The nurses and the doctor were shocked when we refused antibiotics or blood transfusions and let him die. He did not want treatment, did not want to go into a nursing home and we were carrying out his wishes. He slipped away peacefully a few days later. <br /><br />My mother was the same way. She did not want to go into a nursing home. The last few days of her life she ended up in the hospital and when a stroke occurred I told the doctor, in front of my still coherent mother that we did not want any treatment. The doctor looked uncomfortable and then looked at my mother. I repeated to him that my mother had told me that she did not want treatment and that she was in agreement with that. Her stroke progressed and she slipped into a coma. Hours later after I went home for a few hours of sleep I came back to her hospital room to find her room filled with doctors and talk of ICU. No I said. Leave. This is not what my mother wanted. I was polite but made them leave. One doctor had an NG in his hand. No fucking way I thought. They left. I shut off the oxygen and the IV. I say with my mother and told the nurses to leave my mother alone. No vital signs. Five hours later my mother slipped away with one final breath. It was peaceful and I'm thankful I could give her that. <br /><br />I can't remember if your mom has a pacemaker. That will prolong her life because it will keep her heart beating. There is a very good book, "Knocking On Heaven's Door" by Katy Butler that I would recommend. <br /><br />Taking care of your mother is a compassionate and incredibly difficult thing to do. It's not easy but it is kind.My life so farhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16721270441968035994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-77488167568936223092015-07-12T08:04:01.540-07:002015-07-12T08:04:01.540-07:00Things in this area WILL change, as all things do,...Things in this area WILL change, as all things do, but not soon enough for it to be of use to you or your mother. This is simply an insane situation. At least with hospice you know there will be no more ER visits. <br />Oh, Denise- I feel so helpless. I wish I had some advice that would help you but of course I don't. Because obviously you have researched the options and are left with none. <br />All I can say is that I admire you and I don't know how you do it. Ms. Moonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09776404747858099919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-88455224047797732282015-07-12T07:29:32.180-07:002015-07-12T07:29:32.180-07:00You say it like it is and I thank you for that.
Yo...You say it like it is and I thank you for that.<br />You are not alone in this.<br />Neither am I.Elsewherehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18205062128898300234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-16115785552030114382015-07-12T07:14:28.856-07:002015-07-12T07:14:28.856-07:00I encourage you to read Being Mortal, Medicine and...I encourage you to read Being Mortal, Medicine and Matters in the End by Atul Gawande. He is repeating the same words you are...ain't for city galshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14938751007704247232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-26067673745692308712015-07-12T07:02:57.981-07:002015-07-12T07:02:57.981-07:00Denise, you sound like you need a big dose of Roz ...Denise, you sound like you need a big dose of Roz Chast! If I knew your address I would send you her book "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?"<br />You need some good laughs! You are not alone in the craziness of taking care of your mom. You are not crazy for feeling crazy! You are a hero. <br /> Matrix Music Teacherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17447764854606642090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-31025899342019540962015-07-12T01:32:39.283-07:002015-07-12T01:32:39.283-07:00an amazingly clear view of life today... they DO k...an amazingly clear view of life today... they DO keep us living despite the pain,.and the meds are never strong enough, in case it causes addiction.... REALLY.... at the end stage of life addiction should be tolerated, as it gives a person relief from the awful pains endured... I applaud your thoughts and hope that life will start to be a better one as the days go onwards.. not wishing an end to your mother's life, I do know how hard it is being a caregiver to parents... hugs from across the pond.. Jjanzihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11061408016373122220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-39097067596409103252015-07-12T01:22:13.290-07:002015-07-12T01:22:13.290-07:00Dr Victoria Sweet, who wrote God's Hotel, is a...Dr Victoria Sweet, who wrote God's Hotel, is a wonderfully sane and insightful voice in the slow medicine movement.Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06318174928862120631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-43637753720235806282015-07-11T23:39:59.156-07:002015-07-11T23:39:59.156-07:00Do you hear me, clapping?
And as an aside, Katy B...Do you hear me, clapping?<br /><br />And as an aside, Katy Butler is a Hedgebrook writer -- her Facebook group, Slow Medicine -- is wonderful.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2382277614743623418.post-85585883647407779262015-07-11T23:39:50.975-07:002015-07-11T23:39:50.975-07:00Do you hear me, clapping?
And as an aside, Katy B...Do you hear me, clapping?<br /><br />And as an aside, Katy Butler is a Hedgebrook writer -- her Facebook group, Slow Medicine -- is wonderful.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.com