Happy Second Day of Spring!

I know... Who are you and what have you done with Denise, right?

While I could tell you it's quite possible that my attorney has already spent my retainer, and then I still have not gotten what I need from the Someone to get the re-fi on my house, I think I will simply say that the rose pictured above is blooming outside my front door. Carted here in its pot inside a friend's truck, it took months to adjust to the cooler temperatures and sea breezes, but adjust it did.

I will also tell you that a heron just flew by my window--legs outstretched--its long neck seemingly in the future while its legs are already in the past.

I will tell you, too, that my mom's gastroenterology appointment went well, and that the doctor is as handsome--nay, I'd say even more handsome--than ever. My mom endured nearly constant stomach cramps for a long time, and she is much improved. I think of all the figures of speech we have that relate to this central element of our bodies: turned my stomach, he doesn't have the guts to do what is right, intestinal fortitude, it takes a strong stomach, too much to stomach, bust a gut, butterflies in the stomach, I have a gut feeling, we trust our guts, we gut it out, some things are gut wrenching, divorce is an emotional punch to the gut, some people eat to live, sometimes my stomach is in knots. The sympathetic knot in my stomach is loosening now that my mom is feeling better.

I will tell you that my mom is now wearing earrings everyday--not just when we go out to a doctor's appointment. And I will tell you that today, she put on lip gloss. A true beauty in her red sweater and pink shoes.

In which we randomly, or not so randomly, list imagery of the sea

Cast adrift, shipwrecked, pulled by the tides, toeing the line, run aground, in over my head, unmoored, three sheets to the wind, storm-tossed, in the doldrums, wind out of my sails, plumbing the depths, rats deserting a sinking ship ....but maybe my ship will come in. Until then, there are things I cannot fathom.

Well, at least there shouldn't be bird shit on my head....

In the past week or so, I accomplished a lot of things I wasn't particularly excited about taking on. I found the instruction manuals on the Internet to both my back patio sprinkler system and the larger automatic sprinkler system that waters my front yard. I printed the manuals out, studied them a bit, and programmed both systems to save as much water as possible. I also searched the Internet to see if there was any advice on my broken Prius remotes. I found great instructions and fixed both of them. While I did not do a very tidy job of glueing the rubber flange back down, both remotes are now fully functional.

I framed and hung a giant  and very heavy framed poster (40-some inches tall.) It's level. It looks fabulous. In case you can't read the writing at the bottom, it says, "To fish for stories felt to be true. And it will continue indefinitely. Hooray!"

Finally, I got the jump on the swallows and pigeons, I hope. As much as I love birds, I decided I was not up for another stalagmite of pigeon poop or the constant rain of swallow dung just outside my patio doors. I hung two plastic owls--one from the eaves outside my bedroom window, the other from the second story archway outside my front door. I'll spare you the vertiginous particulars.

I did not, however, succeed in getting the re-financing on my house. Despite my emails and phone calls, the Someone did not come through with the necessary court order reflecting my lowered alimony.   As a stop-gap measure, today I requested a letter saying the court order was in progress. That did not materialize either.

Nonetheless, I'm feeling rather accomplished.

Hire Me

Here is the email I sent today:


Dear Someone:

If you are well enough to pick up the phone and ask your attorney to do whatever it is that has to be done, would you do it, please?

I simply CANNOT function financially without a court order that reflects my current alimony.

The only other option is for you to deposit into my account that money that is owed per the current court order. If you did that TODAY I could finalize my re-fi.

Feel free to call me. I am at my desk....pulling my hair out.

This unfortunate drama has been going on for more than a month.

In a perfect world, there would be a job description that reads like this: "Wanted: Responsible and determined person to hover over people who do not return phone calls, answer letters, or emails. Job responsibilities would include hounding said unfortunate persons until they perform their required tasks--and inventing fit punishments for work not performed in a timely matter." 

I would so love to be the boss of that.

Meanwhile, the sea lions have been barking here in Margaritaville. I think I'm going to go bark with them....before it's time to do my mom's weekly blood test. Poking holes in people is not something that should be done until there's been some therapeutic barking.

photo credit: National Geographic