Thursday, September 18, 2014

Luck, Omens, Portents, Plans, and Predictions

Sunset view: Lanai on the left. Molokai to the right.

At some point during one of Dan's hospitalizations, I found a piece of white beach glass shaped like a crescent moon. It meant he would get well, I told myself. I think it was later that day the doctor said he was going to recommend Dan for hospice. The piece of glass sat on my steps for days afterwards. It occurred to me more than once that I should hammer it into dust.

I'm in Maui right now, and tomorrow morning I'm going to look for beach glass. What will it mean if I find some? That I've found some beach glass, I guess. Or not. I don't feel very attached these days to my old system of auguring future events. But I do feel lucky.

Here's how lucky. Some weeks after Dan died, it was clear I needed a break from caring for my mom and made arrangements for her to stay with my brother and his girlfriend for a couple of months. Not long after a friend invited me to her 50th birthday party on Maui. Since my mom would be at my brother's I could say yes. A week or so later, a second friend invited me to her birthday party on Kauai. Those dates did not conflict with the Maui dates. In fact there were a few days in between during which I could visit a dear friend of Dan's on Hilo. (I think I've blogged about all this before--but I guess I just want to repeat it.) Lucky, right? People tell me I deserve it. But doesn't everyone deserve luck? And there are always people who deserve a nice serving of luck, and they don't even get a crumb.

So here I am. In Maui. It's been a litany of beauty so far. Lapis colored water, puffy clouds. A lavender farm and a goat farm in what they call "up country." Galleries and shops with the wares of local artists, a farmer's market with exotic produce. Not to mention the friends. Friends seems to me like luck too. I didn't work or strive in any way to meet any of them. Stuff happens. Sometimes it's really good.

view from the lavender farm

ice cream bean from the farmer's market

3 kinds of goat cheese for dinner
lavender farm Buddha