This is a Cautionary Tale

No, this picture was not taken in jail, but if there were a jail for clowns masquerading as grown-ups, I would probably be doing some serious time.

Tax day was nigh, and I breathed a sigh of relief when the email from my tax guy landed in my inbox. I read the cover letter, checked the adjusted gross income, verified my name and social security number. The attachment was over 100 pages. I had house guests. I did not, I confess, comb through the hundred and some pages. There was a tidy little box in the cover letter that showed my refunds for state and federal and the amount owed for capitol gains for the sale of my farmland in the state of Nebraska. The net result was a negative number, (alas) but the letter advised me that all of this giving and taking would occur electronically. Ah, I thought, I don't have to do anything. How nice.

I awoke on April 16th with a jolt. Wait....wasn't I supposed to pay my quarterly estimated taxes for 2013? On the 15th?! I spent part of the day in denial, part in a panic. There would be thousands in penalties, I thought. I was too embarrassed to call my tax guy or the ever-so-patient financial advisor. What now? How could I be so careful, so meticulous all year long, and then screw things up?

At the end of the day, sick with dread, I called the financial guy, figuring that if I were a tax preparer, I would be in Maui at the bottom of an umbrella drink on April 16th, and I would most certainly not answer a phone call from me. "D" I said, "I did something really bad." There was a long pause while he contemplated what the crazy woman might have done. Vegas? A couple thousand Power Ball tickets? I explained. Then he explained. Turns out it's not a big deal. Yes, there may be a couple of days of interest... but it might be more cost effective for them just to forget it. Oh--and the quarterly payment for the state taxes had a one-day grace period for online payments. So I wasn't late there at all.

I was a wife for 30 years. I let my husband take care of all things financial. Bah!--why worry my pretty head? That philosophy has resulted in several financial migraines these last few years.

Oh pretty young wife married to the man of your dreams, I wish you a wiser road.

Roarrrrrr Snarrrrrrl Grrrrrrowl

I must have an evil alter ego somewhere. Actually, I'm pretty sure I can access it, I just don't want to unlock that box.

As the 3rd anniversary of Mr. Ex's departure approaches, I have become increasingly cranky at having my financial affairs entwined with his. About five seconds after I got my first alimony check, I stopped using all of our joint credit cards, never touched the ATM cards for our joint accounts, never wrote a check. He, however, is still using our joint checking accounts (currently funded by his money)--one of which he is consistently overdrawn on.  I don't suppose this is good for my credit rating. It is certainly not good for my mental health. It is not possible to simply remove my name from the account, so it must be closed.

On June 30th I sent Mr. Ex an email titled, "I'm going to close our xxxx Bank checking account." I asked how much time he needed to reconfigure his automatic bill pay. How did he respond?  He didn't. Zilch. Zip. Nada. I've been busy writing, so I let it go. Today, I decided to close the account and drove to the bank. Hmmm, I thought, maybe I should give him one more chance. All those bills on autopay. He has a baby in the house. What if they shut off his water or his power or the gas? So I sat in my car and  called his secretary and asked to speak to him. He was too busy, so I asked her to give him a very specific message.  "I need to close the account," I said. (I didn't tell her he is consistently overdrawn). "He has a lot of bills on autopay."

I ran an errand. I came home. The account is overdrawn again.

Is there something I can take to make me meaner?