Pillville, the board game. I win!

Remember THIS?

I emerged victorious in today's round of Pillville after a fortuitous roll of the dice that landed me on a square that said this: Great job keeping all those old meds! You've saved yourself a trip to the pharmacy that would have meant leaving you hospice patient alone. You've earned a night out and a trip to the Finish Line. You win!!!

Report from Pillville: The Triumphant Return

My mom is home. A stop for fro-yo, a stop for antibiotics, and zoom. There I was at the kitchen island, figuring out what meds she still needs to take today.

The first thing she did was pluck her eyebrows.

We had frozen pizza and a fruit plate for dinner. And of course she had a martini.

Why-oh-why does it take hours to get released from the hospital? They told me she was going to get released this morning, but the actual process took all day. You could bust out of prison with a file and a shovel in that amount of time.

And what the fuck is up with the bread they serve? The toast is soggy. The hamburger buns are soggy. The dinner rolls are soggy. Is there something about soggy bread that supposed to propel you back to robust health? I don't think so. So stop serving that shit.

Dizziness actually sounds like fun to me right now.

I should probably have some wine.

REPORT FROM PILLVILLE: The Pacemaker, the Flu Shot, and of course the Pills

lest I go insane...again

Things got crazy with the pillbox while my mom was sick last week. She got confused, and I had to unravel it all. It didn't help that one of the pills looked completely different from the way it used to due to the fact that we recently got a generic or some similar version from a new manufacturer. Also there are three round white pills--two of which are scarily similar, their distinctive markings visible only to super hero marksmen with bionic eyes. Hello, pharmaceutical industry? Colors are good. Think lollipops, jelly beans, sodas, popsicles! Haven't we been conditioned our whole lives to distinguish flavors of junk food by the color? Well, it could work with pills, too. I might even go so far as to make the color of the pill relate to its function. Years ago a doctor told my mother that Plavix would keep her platelets from sticking together. She still remembers it. How about making it red? And why not put a giant P on it in a contrasting color? Seems like the company making Loperamide (that's the yucky brown and yellowish-brown capsule) is kinda on board with that. 'Nuff said.

The pacemaker checked out fine this morning. Another couple years, the tech said. I'm thinking of a betting pool. We all throw in 50 bucks and wager on month and year that the thing quits. When it does go kaput, she'll have to have outpatient surgery to get a new one. Now that is an example of thinking waaaay too far ahead. Hereandnowhereandnowhereandnow. Okay. 

My mom got her flu shot at CVS after the pacemaker check, and we combed the store in a mad shopping spree with her 20% off coupon. Marketing genius. She got some pink lipstick called "Fruit Punch" and it looks great on her. We stocked up on Ricola lemon sugar free lozenges, which I admit to having a bit of a hoarding problem with. My mom bought a bunch of those tiny toothbrushes for between the teeth. I'm pretty sure she's hoarding those. And I threw in a bag of Peanut M &Ms-- an example of completely gratuitous but somewhat entertaining junk food color. I just might get myself a pillbox and keep it filled with those.

It's a beautiful day here in Margaritaville. Wind+sun equals lots of shimmering color.

I'll have what she's having.

I can barely begin to describe how today got complicated. I  don't know why the name or the dosage listed on the bottle of the med I was trying to refill didn't match the official looking list than my mother brought with her to California. I only know that the nurse felt that the doctor here  couldn't rightly refill it over the phone because it didn't match the list. So I drove 10 miles to the Walmart to get the medication since it was in the Walmart system in Maryland and could be easily transferred to California, because Walmart, like god, is everywhere. I don't know why the pharmacy at Vons didn't have the other of  my mom's prescriptions when the nurse at the doctor's office assured me she'd call it in. I only know it was too late to call the doctor so I drove back across town to the Walmart only to find out that they couldn't fill it because it had already been filled at Von's. So I drove back to Von's. And, yes, the medication was there. I don't know why the name and dose on the package of Walmart meds matches exactly the name and dose on the bottle that's now empty, but the pills from the Walmart package look different from the pill in my mom's pillbox that she says was the last pill in the bottle. I only know that I would like to swallow all of the pills, eat all of the leftover Hallowe'en chocolate, drink all of the wine, and sleep all of the sleep. 

"I have to get off this shit," my mom says when I finally return--as if she is a junkie--and maybe she is, in a way.
"Mom, you can't," I say. "This is cholesterol medication, and the label says you can't stop it suddenly." This was after she exclaimed that she didn't have high cholesterol, and I explained that the pills were why she didn't have high cholesterol. The other pill, I explained, she couldn't stop either because it was heart medication. Except it's not. It's brain medication. And obviously I should be the one taking it.

Anyone for a game of PILLVILLE ?

Pillville

I'm imagining a board game. "Pillville" would be its name. The board looks a little like a mononopoly board, but you get a hand of cards, too. The cards you're dealt are your medications and the conditions for which you take them. You roll the dice and move around the board. If you land on a square that pertains to one of the cards you've drawn, something good...or bad will ensue. Maybe there's money, too, that players can use to buy their drugs in Canada. Maybe there are HMO membership cards, Medicare cards, and Medicaid cards, and private insurance cards that you can pick up along the way depending on where the roll of the dice takes you. Which of these you acquire will also effect how you are able to negotiate the twists and turns of fate delvered by the squares you land on. There might be "Junior" and "Senior" versions of the game. Sample squares in "Senior Pillville" might include:(1) After a move across the country, you're now living with an adult child that understands nothing about your medications. Go back 3 squares. (2) If you're taking Warfarin, the levels still are not high enough. You must go to the blood lab for the 3rd time in as many weeks. Go back 5 squares. (3) Your feet are killing you, miss the next turn. (4) Switching from brand names to generics and back again has you horribly confused. Do not pass Go. Do not collect your next insurance reimbursement. (5) Gain 5 pounds. You are approaching a healthier weight. Move ahead 1 square.

By playing the game you will increase your knowledge of dozens of medications, their counterpart generics and competeting brand names, as well as their side effects.The goal of the game is to make it to the finish line with all your faculties intact with your loved ones around you. Of course, you just might end up elsewhere.

A more complex version of the game can be played by adding an expansion deck that adds your financial planning skills into the mix.