Thursday, March 29, 2018

Yes. This is a post about divorce.

Leaving is often a melancholy business. Ten years ago I left the Vermont Studio Center for the first time, and tomorrow I leave it after my second residency here. When I left a decade ago, I was newly divorced and happy to have cut myself off from the life I’d been living. I hadn’t yet established my new life, and I was free but also in a sort of free fall. I spent all of February here that year, and it snowed like it might never stop. I felt buffered by the whiteness as if I was in the blanched room of an asylum, taking some cure meant to heal me. The cold held itself against me, and I held it back, hoping for numbness.

I forgot all this until I arrived back here four weeks ago. And then during this very snowy March I felt these things come back into my body. Remembrances of this sort can serve as a gauge, and it was fulfilling to sense the needle tipping toward full this residency. I’m all right now. More than all right. But I wasn’t then.

Oddly, the Someone reached out to me while I was here---on a perfunctory matter of post-divorce business. That was a gauge too. Winter’s power over us can be absolute during a snowfall that shuts everything down. An adversary’s power can feel absolute too. 


A said...

Gorgeous post.

Anonymous said...

If you ever need and require the services of a professional spy and hack expert who can help you out with phone hack, social media hack, spy and track on anyone, recover and retrieve lost or stolen password, remove unwanted content from the internet, conduct background check on employees, website hack, database hack, fix bad credit scores, find out about a cheating partner or spouse and lots more. Find: certifiedhacker4real at GMAIL dot COM. He helped provide evidence to prove my partner had been cheating on me and this was so helpful to me. He is so reliable.