Thursday, June 6, 2019

How can it be?



Time just keeps blasting us forward. Dan Paik died 5 years ago today. Five. I spent only five years with him. Soon he will be gone from this earth longer than I knew him.

I live on the 5th floor now in a brand new building in a new city. I'm weary and disoriented. I have a different car and changed to a different purse. I can't find things. I have no sense of direction. I'm lost every time I go anywhere more than a few blocks away. But the dead loved ones are here. Dan. My mom, my aunt Millie. They are constants, easy to navigate to.

The Mississippi River curves through this city. Sometimes I'm on one side of it, sometimes the other. The river Styx divides the living from the dead. I'm still here, living.


8 comments:

Elizabeth said...

You will reorient yourself as you have always done. You are resilient and strong. I’m sending so much love your way. I’m glad that I met you, that I met Dan.

Ms. Moon said...

You need rest, sweet woman.
As Elizabeth said, you will reorient yourself soon.
May there be peace. You have done a very big thing.

Lilycedar said...

I'm glad you made it cross country and it will get easier. Change, even the changes we want so badly, are hard.

Jeffrey Darter said...

Thank you for sharing this, Denise. I've been toying with the idea of leaving LA. I've imagined myself in a new place, a small town...I've tried to recall an old song about being lost in nowhere with nothing but time, but it's been decades since I heard it---I can't remember it, but it made being lost sound so wonderful. I've imagined walking around a new place with a new beginning, and becoming someone new, but my loved ones who are gone would keep me tethered to who I am. I could never leave them behind anyway. Just this morning, I was thinking about someone I loved who has now been gone for more years than he was alive. Thank you for sharing these beautiful words. My thoughts are with you, dear friend. Sending you love across the miles.....

Allison said...

I can not believe Dan has been gone that long. It just does not seem possible. I am glad you made it to your new home unscathed. Get some rest, things are better when you are not so tired. Take care.

37paddington said...

Welcome home.

michelle said...

We are time benders. I know that the past 5 yrs were an eternity for you but a blink for me...you are brave

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