Thursday, March 8, 2012

Haaaay, Facebook! My blog has a timeline, too!

I revised and updated my blog timeline that has been living rather messily in my sidebar. I like it so much I have also copied it below, into a post.

Timeline in a nuthousenutshell

July 30, 2007: THE CONVERSATION. The Someone announces that our marriage is over, that he’s getting married to someone else, and that he wants the house so he can raise his new family there.

August 6, 2007: The first of thousands of emails is exchanged with my divorce attorneys. Tens of thousands of dollars will be spent. The battle of the division of joint assets will wage for years.

August 10, 2007: Unable to bear the sight of my bed, unable to sleep, and prone to walking in circles in my house, I fly to the east coast to visit my mother and begin a series of travels, visiting anyone who will have me.

November 12, 2007: I move into my new townhouse with dogs Lola and Layla.The H-wrecker moves in with The Someone.

December 27, 2007: Running a fever, rendered nearly mute with laryngitis, and over-medicated with lemon martinis, I begin an MFA program in creative writing.

Some amorphous months in 2008: More travels, anti-depressants, anxiety attacks, huge attorney bills, internet dating, cheap wine, therapy, writing, gin.

July 29, 2008: Final decree of divorce is issued. Financial resolution of joint assets is bifurcated from the dissolution of the marriage.

September 6, 2008: The Someone gets married. The H-wrecker becomes the Little Missus.

September 25, 2008: I sit bolt upright in the middle of the night and decide to start a blog. I know the title, "His Big Fat Indian Wedding," and the pseudonym under which I will write it--"Ex-in-the-City."

October 15, 2008: Temporary alimony finally begins. I stop using the joint credit cards and the joint bank account and get my very own.

December 13, 2008: Online flirting gets personal with a hike in Griffith park. I meet the man who loves me.

Some amorphous months in 2009: See the amorphous months in 2008....without the therapy and the online dating. Add more gin and even bigger attorney bills. Add love.

August 2009: The Kiddo #1 is born to The Someone and his Missus.

January 5, 2010: Graduation Day. I receive my MFA in creative writing.

Some amorphous months in 2010: See the amorphous months in 2008 and 2009...add in bigger anxiety attacks and more therapy. More love. Subtract the gin.

June 2011: I reach The Someone by phone. He agrees to mediation. We go. Twice. We come to an agreement.

July 13, 2011: The complete Stipulation to Divide Joint Assets is signed by both parties.

September 2011: Kiddo #2 arrives.

October 14, 2011: Judgement on "reserved issues" (a.k.a. the financial stuff/joint assets) is officially entered with Los Angeles Superior Court. In addition, I am now under a restraining order that requires me to change the name of my blog, and refrain from mentioning certain persons in it. Hello, Margaritaville!

Somewhere in the amorphous blob known as time, as the daylight hours begin to shorten and the piles of documents reach teetering and confusing heights, my attorneys officially withdraw from the case by our mutual agreement. I am on my own to finish dealing with the QDRO and the attorney who is handling that. The QDRO is amended, at the request of the opposing side, to say that if I die before the QDRO is implemented, my share will not pass to my daughters, but instead will revert to The Someone. Paranoia steps into the ring and gives anxiety a punch in the nose. Anxiety fights back.

January 6, 2012: Stipulated Qualified Domestic Relations Order is filed with Los Angeles Superior Court.

January 10, 2012: I finally take the initiative and close the joint checking accounts and deliver the balance in the form of cashier's checks to The Someone's secretary.

February 1, 2012: I follow the instructions in the QDRO attorney's letter in order to receive my share of the retirement accounts by making the necessary phone call. "The information is being forwarded to the actuaries," I'm told. "It will take a few days." I begin to be more careful when crossing the street.

February 14, 2012: I call again regarding the retirement accounts. "The actuaries have requested more information." But I'm assured I will receive the information this week. I continue to exercise caution. I wear orange when I'm out walking. Then wonder if that just makes me a better target.

February 26, 2012: Realizing there is no motivation for The Someone to close the joint credit card, I do it. I also pay 3,000.00 on the balance in an effort to improve my credit score and to compensate The Someone for the inconvenience.

March 1, 2012: I make yet another call regarding my share of the retirement accounts. Now "it may take several weeks." Whatever "it" is. I wear camoflage when out walking and think about writing a murder mystery.

March 7, 2012: I make another call regarding the retirement accounts. "There are documents that must be produced." I'm assured that I will get the necessary information on the "defined benefit plan" next week. I wear white when walking and am certain to have a copy of my insurance card on me at all times.

March 8, 2012: I email The Someone and ask him what's up with my share of the retirement benefits.

Everything is so much clearer now.


Elizabeth said...

I'm sorry, but I actually laughed at the last line -- aloud. Isn't that the only thing one can do at the end, anyway?

Ms. Moon said...

Oh Jesus. Bless your heart.

Birdie said...

Sometimes when we look back on our lives it really is depressing. I really, really hope this is over for you soon and you can step out of this and move on to a happy future. xoxox

PS- I got a call last week from my ex-husband's new wife. Apparently she kicked him out and they are getting a divorce. So, there you go.

Elizabeth Harper @giftsofthejourney said...

I am still staggered that this process has not ended for you. You should write a book about how some types of divorce in California can feel more like a terminal disease where the insurance companies try to outlast you by avoiding payment ... all with the expectation that you won't live long enough to collect.

Anonymous said...

Don't know why you separated the financial stuff from the divorce. Perhaps you can do a post on that, or post a link to a post on that.
Aside from that, we shared similar experiences.
I gave away my rights to my ex's retirement accounts, but I kept the house and my pension. The retirement accounts and house value have gone down, the value of a defined benefit pension has only gone up as they go the way of dinasaurs.
I hope you get your money soon.

Wrinkling Daily said...

So many many.

Al_One said...

I had a less involved dissolution. Online dating yielded no positive results. Somehow during the 'process,' I shifted away from creative writing courses to techie courses.

I wonder if my situation will shift to a more complicated one, or if the universe will continue to bless me with simplicity.
The commonalities are there though: the pain, the transition, the new life...the occasional 'contact' with the ex over business matters...

I'd like to get back into some creative writing, I know that for sure.

Jules said...

Sounds like it's time for a margarita!