due to the turbulence, there won't be any beverage service." These are words I hate to hear when I fly. I'm a reformed nervous flier and the thought of not being able to have a drink when I think a drink might be just what I need inches me a tiny bit closer to the old self I'd like to stay rid of. I found myself on edge today flying back from Portland as soon as I neared the end of the "A" gates. Outside the rain splattered windows were small airplanes with propellers and the sky was as thick and gray as a week's worth of dryer lint. Noooooooo, the anxious me said to the me who was trying to be calm and I thought about rushing back to ticketing to see if I could get on a different flight which probably would have been a simple matter, but I'd checked my bag. So instead, I sat and looked at the people around me. High school athletes with trophies, business people, families with babies. They looked calm and happy so I got on the plane (which didn't have propellers) and felt passable until the announcement about the beverages. I pulled out a lollipop and started sucking, stuck my ipod in my ears and listened to poetry podcasts, reminded myself to keep my eyes open and look out the window. I did ok. Not stellar, but fine. It's odd that I keep traveling. Since the divorce, I've flown more than I ever could have imagined. Back when I was married, flying terrified me. Maybe because I was trying so hard to keep that jumbo jet of a marriage up in the air and knew it was going down.
2 comments:
I admire how you have taken something so painful and used it to liberate a part of yourself that had been waiting to be born. I am just now starting to give myself permission to travel, long overdue.
And it sounds like you are heading to London!
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