Wednesday, February 17, 2010
And the Horse You Rode in On
I don't know if you will see this post or not before my blog is no longer public. Regardless, I will have my say.
In light of your recent accusations against me--that I have disparaged you, your new wife, and your baby, I feel it is only fair that I express to you how completely disparaged I felt at the manner in which you ended our 30-year marriage.
While I talked of parties and trips and time alone to celebrate our empty nest, you were secretly planning your wedding. When you delighted me with your suggestion that we buy wedding rings for our 29th anniversary, a week later one can see by your cell phone records that you were calling your new sweetheart the first thing each morning and the last thing each night (while you were out walking our dogs)--and frequently on your drives to and from work as well.
Beginning in May, two months or so before you left me, you secretly began seeing a therapist and then later reported to members of your family that you had suggested marriage counseling for the two of us, but I had refused.
Several months before you left me, I began applying to grad school. When it came time to chose which program I would attend, I told you I thought it would be great to have "Nebraska connections" in case we retired there. You knew that for all you cared, I could attend grad school on the moon. You didn't choose to share that with me.
While I was working with an agent and my memoir manuscript was under revisions, I humbly asked you two or three times if you could find the time to read more than the first 40 pages. You couldn't manage.
When you did finally work up the courage and the honesty to tell me that I was history, it was in one sentence that I learned our marriage was over, that you were getting re-married, and that you wanted our house because it was a good place to raise your new family.
You treated me worse than dirt. As a gardener, I know that delicious things come from dirt--if it is loved and watered and tended. Life with you was a desert. I have made my exodus.
@#*% you, your big fat Indian wedding and the horse you rode in on.
photo credit: Brett Butterstein Photography