I can get past being dumped for someone younger, someone with a better wardrobe, more expensive shoes, and an actual resume. Really, I can.
But bifurcation is holding me back. I don't know if bifurcation exists in other states, but in the state in which Mr. Ex and I are dissolving our marriage, you can get a final decree of divorce (so you can have a big fat Indian wedding) and leave your financial affairs hanging on like a lawsuit in a Dickens novel. If you are me, i. e. enduring bifurcation--you may enjoy the temporal bliss provided by temporary alimony, but until you get permanent alimony you live under a temporary restraining order that prevents you from engaging in major financial transactions--okay, maybe not prevents entirely....but you have to get the okay from the mr. ex and his attorney and if that doesn't immediately choke you to death, it does inhibit you from stepping across that threshold that says, "new life." And if you can't cross that threshold, well, then you are still in your old life--or at least lodged in the doorway.
Want I want most right now is to open my heart. Really. And I'm finding that difficult as I stand with one foot here and one foot there. What I'm picturing is this: Two things. A sort of bifurcated image in my head, if you will--A closed door. And an open heart.