Tuesday, September 23, 2014

In the quiet of the deep

It was dark when we awoke. Barely light when we headed to the car. By the time we got onto the boat morning was fully settled in, and off we went around the island of Lanai for a day of snorkeling. The boat was more raft than boat. (See above) And thus is the smallest boat I've ever been in out on the ocean. The ride was bronco-like at times, but I settled in. For those of you that know me and the level of anxiety that I cart around with me from time to time, let me just say I'm as surprised as you are, but I was so sleepy at the end of the day's adventures that I actually nodded off for a bit during the wild ride.

We've snorkeled every day here in this paradise called Maui--some of it just down at "our" beach. But today's adventure was a whole different jar of caviar. Ship wrecks, underwater grottos and arches. A sea cave. And the fish! I was in an aquarium. I was a fish. I was the water. I was a speck of the Real.

I am still marveling about how this trip came to be. To be the guest of friends on three different islands when I needed  a getaway in the worst possible way. I keep asking how did that happen, and then I stop the asking and just receive with gratitude. I have been wined (and pina colada-ed) and dined. So much has been given.

When Dan and I first started dating, I told him I wanted to get away, that I wanted to leave L.A., leave the geography of my divorce and never eat in a restaurant where I'd dined with my husband or drive down a street or a freeway that I driven down when I was married. Hawaii seemed insulated from all that, and I seriously considered it. He loved Maui, he said. Told me of a trip there--the beach, the air, and when he walked into a  certain bar, it felt like he'd come home. Dan loved L.A., so this was kind of a big thing. In the days preceding this trip, I tried to find out where exactly he'd been. I wanted to walk where he walked. To soak in the beauty and him. I never found out anything. Apparently  it wasn't a t'ai chi trip, and I thought it had been. So I had to give up. I had to give over to the idea that I still could walk where he walked in the big picture. I could see the beauty, breathe the air, love what he loved. It's been awesome. It's been fun. Today I depart for Hilo.

Barbie at a beachside bar
My final Maui sunset


Ms. Moon said...

How profoundly right this trip was for you.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, Denise. I'm so happy that you got this wonderful gift of a trip and that you walked in the big picture where Dan walked and loved and was. I'm just so glad.