Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Big Heart, Tiny Heart

Mr. Ex and I had ideal mothers-in-law when we were married. Our mothers are about as opposite as two women can get, but neither of them ever, as far as I can remember, tried to butt in or give us unwanted advice. Well....unless you count, "Kissin' don't last, cookin' do." Mr. Ex's mom loved this expression and it always made me laugh and for years I thought of embroidering her a dishtowel or a sampler or something with just the opposite to tease her.
If I had, she would have laughed, I'm sure.
When I was visiting my mom at her place in July before she got sick, we were sitting at her kitchen table talking and one thing led to another. "I don't hate Mr. Ex," she told me. "If he walked into the room right now, I'd tell him I still love him, even though he's made some bad decisions." I felt a little irritated for a second but then I realized what a lucky thing it is to have a mother with such a big heart.
Mr. Ex, I think, has a heart so tiny that it's almost imperceptible.
Mr Ex has known my mother for more than thirty years. She helped us with our children, did chores around our house, cooked for us and even mixed him a martini or two. In the past couple of weeks, I've sent him emails asking him to take care of our dogs while I go to "take care of my mom." Silence. Not a "Gosh--what's wrong?" or "Give her my best." Not even, "Sure, no problem. Don't worry about the dogs."
Silence. Just silence.
So silent that I think if I put my ear to his chest, there would only be only more silence.


Elizabeth said...

I agree. Although I'm thinking that Shame has embodied itself in your ex.

Jules said...

been there.
still visit on occasion.
don't want to live there anymore