Poison

Maybe I should have poisoned The Pen

So that when he touched it he dissolved into a puddle of goo or ran screaming down his fancy office hallway. Maybe the pen would have wracked him with a painful death like the poisoned golden robes in Medea or the comb meant for Snow White.

UPS tracking says he got the pen. Someone whose name he probably doesn't even know signed for it in the law firm mail room. But there's been no acknowledgement.

I'm not going to ask him.

There's an old saying he used to like to quote to show off his farm boy salt of the earth wholesome roots. I'm going to use it here.

Teaching Mr. Ex manners is like teaching a pig to sing. It's a waste of time and it annoys the pig.