Thursday, May 26, 2011

If This Were an Anti-Anxiety Potion, I'd Be Fine


I'm a better flyer these days. It helped immensely to have my therapist point out to me that it didn't seem that I suffered from a true phobia of flying. Repressed anger and grief,she told me, and I saw how much better I felt after I screamed and cried and told Mr.Ex everything I had to tell him in her company. I killed him a couple of times, too. "It doesn't mean you are actually going to do it for real, but do it here," she'd say, "or all of those bottled up emotions will hurt you."

So I try now to think of healthy things I can do for myself while I fly. Communicating is the best thing. When there's Internet, I don't feel alone. I can email and blog and hang out on Facebook. Without the Internet, it's harder. I try to concentrate on a book or a podcast,but if I'm a little nervous, it's hard to focus.

I'm in the air right now and I'm doing well despite the choppy air, because I feel connected to those of you who read this blog. So, thanks for being there.

The man who loves me always asks how it went for me up in the air. When I told him about the first flight I took without a sip of gin, and that it felt okay, that I was able to use my cognitive powers to soothe myself like my therapist said I would, he told me he liked knowing that there was this new version of me that Mr. Ex would never know.
I like that too.

3 comments:

Elizabeth Harper said...

I had to say hello especially if you're reading this while flying through the air. I hate to fly myself, but it's unavoidable given a life where the people I love most live in two different countries.

I loved this part of what you wrote in particular, " he told me he liked knowing that there was this new version of me that Mr. Ex would never know. I like that too."

Lilith said...

Liked that last bit as well. Have a good trip.

Elizabeth said...

I loved what the man who loves you said to you. It's sort of a reverse identity kind of thing.

Happy travels.