Saturday, March 24, 2012
Migraines and Anxiety
I was anxiety's bitch on Thursday. I had a stomach full of bumble bees, a headache, and a flat out inability to draw a deep breath. How would I ever manage my new and larger budget after the purchase of my new house when I'll be the last to know if The Someone ever decides to drag me back to court with some reason to reduce my alimony. How will I be the point person for all of my mom's health issues when I have so much to learn about what she needs. How will I see the man who loves me only once a week. What if the move is a mistake. What if I find the ocean air too cold, too salty....wait....somewhere around here I almost got a grip. I'm moving within a short walk of the ocean!!! But my brain kept circling, moving in for the kill. Should I forget my therapist's advice about being in charge of my cognitive powers while on the plane to visit my mom, or maybe I should cram a half-dozen little bottles of gin into my zip-lock in lieu of toiletries. I thought walking to the train for my regular shift at the DWC would set me right, but cars were trying to run me down, and I would surely die before the move, before getting to visit my mom, before dinner probably. Holy crap, right? Tutoring my first literacy student at the DWC finally brought the craziness to a halt. But by dinnertime I had a migraine that I packed up and brought to Baltimore the next day. Now I'm a lazy houseguest lying on the couch with a bottle of gatorade while my 87-yr-old mother keeps offering me a cool cloth for my forehead.
But hey, guess what, I really wasn't anxious on the plane at all. I was just focusing on surviving the migraine.