Saturday, March 24, 2012

Migraines and Anxiety

I was anxiety's bitch on Thursday. I had a stomach full of bumble bees, a headache, and a flat out inability to draw a deep breath. How would I ever manage my new and larger budget after the purchase of my new house when I'll be the last to know if The Someone ever decides to drag me back to court with some reason to reduce my alimony. How will I be the point person for all of my mom's health issues when I have so much to learn about what she needs. How will I see the man who loves me only once a week. What if the move is a mistake. What if I find the ocean air too cold, too salty....wait....somewhere around here I almost got a grip. I'm moving within a short walk of the ocean!!! But my brain kept circling, moving in for the kill. Should I forget my therapist's advice about being in charge of my cognitive powers while on the plane to visit my mom, or maybe I should cram a half-dozen little bottles of gin into my zip-lock in lieu of toiletries. I thought walking to the train for my regular shift at the DWC would set me right, but cars were trying to run me down, and I would surely die before the move, before getting to visit my mom, before dinner probably. Holy crap, right? Tutoring my first literacy student at the DWC finally brought the craziness to a halt. But by dinnertime I had a migraine that I packed up and brought to Baltimore the next day. Now I'm a lazy houseguest lying on the couch with a bottle of gatorade while my 87-yr-old mother keeps offering me a cool cloth for my forehead.
But hey, guess what, I really wasn't anxious on the plane at all. I was just focusing on surviving the migraine.


Wrinkling Daily said...

The what ifs will drive us crazy if we let them. I don't know how to stop them most times. I think your mom probably was glad to be there for you, doing her mom thing. A minor set-back from time to time is bound to happen when we give power to worry. A short walk to the beach is a pretty great thing. enjoy.

Birdie said...

I wonder if this way of thinking is a female thing? I have never heard of a man thinking of all the 'what if's".
I live quite close to the ocean and love it. It is better than therapy. And free!

Elizabeth said...

Oh, dear. Be well.

Lilith said...

I get those thoughts as well but I'm getting better, trying hard to not look too far down the road, trying hard to just live today. It's hard though. Our moms are the same age. I watch my mom, so frail now, always falling, knowing one fall will be her last, helpless to stop it. I try hard to find peace, even knowing that life will always be a mess. Not much help this morning am I?

Take care.

Ms. Moon said...

The body sure will take on the mind's worries and run with them, won't it? I sure do wish I couldn't say I know what you're feeling.
Well, it'll pass. And the ocean! Woman! The ocean! We want pictures!

Jules said...

Craniosacral therapy and massage