The Grief Report

This is the tree The National Tai Chi Chuan Association, in coordination with the Bronson Canyon Tai Chi Group, requested from the Griffith Park Forestry Division, (Trees In Tribute)  dedicated to Dan Paik.

This is life at the bottom of the crater of grief.

Your feet are on the ground, but the ground is not to be trusted. The crater of grief is a funnel and sometimes the ground falls out from under you. Like maybe you got confused and poured rice into a funnel instead of a strainer to wash it, and the next thing you know the grains of rice are slipping out of the hole in the funnel and there is no bottom to anything, just the sound of your dinner slipping away.

You are always surprised at how permanent the loss is and how far reaching. Months go by and still the beloved is gone. Your eyes open in the morning and still he's not there. The phone rings at the appointed hour, but still it's not him. You go places you nearly forgot that the two of you went together--and the sudden sadness creates a roaring in your ears. The erosion continues as the  crater encompasses more and more of your world. There are so many places that he isn't. So many places that he will never be.

This is life at the bottom of the crater of grief.

The world narrows at the bottom of the crater of grief. Friends who are not really friends fall away. While friends who are really friends join hands and hold back the collapsing sides of the crater. And at the bottom of the crater of grief,  the sky is a tent of stars or an umbrella of blue. When your are at the bottom of the crater of grief, if you remember to look up, what you see is sky. Pure unadulterated sky.