High Anxiety

I have been hair-standing-on-end anxious all day. Jet-lag? Post-wedding blues? Withdrawal after a record-setting 5 days and nights with the man who loves me? Pre-turning 59 angst? Realization that I am a financial life-boat? (see previous post). Contemplating and fighting against the idea that I might be linked to Mr. Ex forever just because he fathered my daughters? Grandchildren withdrawal? The fucked up news about Iran and the assassination plot? Because I miss my dogs? Air pollution after spending time in Maine's pristine air? The current heat wave/Santa Ana? Allow me to quote Raymond Chandler here:"There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Ana's that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands' necks. Anything can happen.


I don't have a husband.I do have a carving knife. And I'm anxious. I'm sitting outside because it feels better than sitting inside. I'd sleep out here if I had a tent. Sleeping out here without a tent gives me the critter jitters. Racoons. Squirrels. Snakes. I really don't think I can sleep at all.