Friday, October 21, 2011


Just as I settled in bed to read the other night, the power went out. Total darkness in a city is an eerie thing. Total darkness when you are home alone is even eerier. I might have been able to roll with it-- to rejoice that my noisy neighbor couldn't be in his garage sawing, or grinding, or disposing of  bodies with a myriad of power tools or whatever the hell he's doing over there, but that's when the beeping starting. First my cordless phones, then the security system. Little warning beeps at first, then more insistent until the security system was full-out blaring. I had to call them up to find out how to stop it. "Enter my code," they said. Of course. I might have thought of that if the noise hadn't disabled my brain. "It's a courtesy noise," the woman at the alarm company said, "to let you know the power is out." I didn't argue with her, didn't say that there was nothing at all courteous about that noise. Didn't tell her that if I'd already been asleep when the alarm started blaring that I probably would have had a heart attack or jumped out of window right into the arms of Mr. Mayhem and his saws.

I had 27% of my battery left on my iPad when the darkness descended so I went to Edison's website to see what had happened. Then I browsed around a little bit. Here's what I found on the "Safety Checklist During an Outage" under the subheading of "food safety tips:"  When you go to bed, leave a bedroom light switched on. It will wake you when power returns, so you can check the condition of your food. Check on my food?? In the middle of the night?? 

It turned out that I did accidentally leave my bedside lamp on, and when the power was restored a couple of hours later, the light jolted me awake. I didn't go check on my food. I just swore a lot, switched off the lamp, and turned on my fan so I wouldn't be able to hear my neighbor in case he left his lamp on and it woke him up, and he decided to dispose of one more body before dawn.

photo credit:


Ms. Moon said...

Excuse me? Check on your effin' food? What the hell are you going to do about iffy cottage cheese at four a.m.? WHO COMES UP WITH THAT SHIT?

Birdie said...

I hate the dark. I have really terrible eyesight. Last night I punched something out that didn't exist because whatever it was startled me. It turns out that it was a shadow from the night light. When it is totally dark I can't even see to go to the bathroom and have wet myself on more than one occasion trying to find the bathroom.

I would really like to know what your neighbour is up to. Maybe you could cut power to his house! I hear it is quite easy but also deadly dangerous but can only take so much noise until *you* start cutting up bodies in the garage.

Note to self - Keep a flash light beside the bed.

Anonymous said...

This was wonderfully funny and I want to thank you for the laugh.
I wish you uninterrupted sleep tonight.

Lauren Ward Larsen said...

Love it! Another piece of fine writing, my friend.