The sun refused to show itself at the close of the shortest day, sinking into the water behind a wall of clouds.
I haven't shown myself much lately either. I've been roaming the house in the dead of night with a throat so sore that I can't sleep, then making my way back to bed when the middle of the night House Hunters re-run lulls me into submission. In the morning I wake with half-a-dozen Ricola wrappers on the night stand, convinced that certainly this will be the day I feel better. And I do for a little while. But then. Crash. However, this being the longest night of the year, I may be up again watching Love It or List it, International House Hunters or god knows what. I should be reading through my stack of New Yorkers, brushing up on my French or something but it feels like there's a block of goo filling my brain. Okay, it might have been that last night I finally did sleep. If I sleep again tonight, I'm going to proclaim myself cured.
Meanwhile, I've been appropriately engaged during these dark days. I'm spinning around and around trying to get my mom on Medicaid. This morning I confirmed that state #1 has now faxed State #2 in order to confirm that the measly little life insurance policy of my mom's has no cash value and therefore cannot be counted as an asset prohibiting her from qualifying for Medicaid yet again. So if State #2 faxes back to State #1, all should be well. Riiiiight? How's this for a darkest day of the year fear: My mom will finally get that Medicaid acceptance letter the day she takes her final breath. I've been working on the Medicaid thing since the end of September.
Here's what I've been reading these short days and long nights:
It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking about Your Own Death
What Working in a Nursing Home Taught Me
Our Bodies, Ourselves
If You're 30% Through Your Life... (of course I know that I'm at least 60% through my life)
A Parting Lesson From My Parents
How Mindfulness Can Ease the Fear of Death and Dying
I might add that I've also been drinking some nice wine, eating rum balls and chocolate truffles, and lighting lots of candles.
|One of the denizens of Hearst Castle|
What have you been reading during these dark days, dear ones? Where are you finding the light?