Monday, December 21, 2015

Secret Solstice Sunset

The sun refused to show itself at the close of the shortest day, sinking into the water behind a wall of clouds.

I haven't shown myself much lately either. I've been roaming the house in the dead of night with a throat so sore that I can't sleep, then making my way back to bed when the middle of the night House Hunters re-run lulls me into submission. In the morning I wake with half-a-dozen Ricola wrappers on the night stand, convinced that certainly this will be the day I feel better. And I do for a little while. But then. Crash. However, this being the longest night of the year, I may be up again watching Love It or List it, International House Hunters or god knows what. I should be reading through my stack of New Yorkers, brushing up on my French or something but it feels like there's a block of goo filling my brain. Okay, it might have been that last night I finally did sleep. If I sleep again tonight, I'm going to proclaim myself cured.

Meanwhile, I've been appropriately engaged during  these dark days.  I'm spinning around and around trying to get my mom on Medicaid. This morning I confirmed that state #1 has now faxed State #2 in order to confirm that the measly little life insurance policy of my mom's has no cash value and therefore cannot be counted as an asset prohibiting her from qualifying for Medicaid yet again. So if State #2 faxes back to State #1, all should be well. Riiiiight? How's this for a darkest day of the year fear: My mom will finally get that Medicaid acceptance letter the day she takes her final breath. I've been working on the Medicaid thing since the end of September.

Here's what I've been reading these short days and long nights:

It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking about Your Own Death

What Working in a Nursing Home Taught Me

Our Bodies, Ourselves

If You're 30% Through Your Life... (of course I know that I'm at least 60% through my life)

A Parting Lesson From My Parents

How Mindfulness Can Ease the Fear of Death and Dying

I might add that I've also been drinking some nice wine, eating rum balls and chocolate truffles, and lighting lots of candles.

One of the denizens of Hearst Castle

What have you been reading during these dark days, dear ones? Where are you finding the light?


Ms. Moon said...

Why does your throat hurt? If there is any possibility you have strep, you should go get it checked. I mean it!
Ah- light. It is raining here and not much light but but I am doing my best to hold on to any light that does indeed get in.
Babies. They surely do help. They bring the light and the love with them.
May all be settled soon for your mother with those dratted and impossible programs. May you find peace. And yes. Light.

Allison said...

How long have you been so sick? It might not be viral, I'm with Ms Moon, consider a strep swab, it's quick and will rule it out.
So sorry that you personally have to wrestle with Medicaid. When my MIL was in the nursing home, wrangling her long term care insurance took about 10 hours a month for my husband. I always wonder who will do that for us.
I'm reading crap novels at the moment, they're no better than television. I do, however, love International House Hunters, both for seeing the locales and what other people's living spaces look like. Hope you feel better soon and that the governments cooperate.

37paddington said...

I know that medicaid dance well. I had to learn the steps for my aunt. it takes months, and by the time you get the acceptance letter, it's time to recertify for the next year. my advice, keep copies of everything. they will say you never sent it, submitted it, brought it in person, but if you have the copies (and the name of the person you dealt with), well, it's easier.

International House Hunters, Love it or List it, and Property Brothers are my can't-sleep wee hours of the morning remedies as well. I hope you feel better by this, but if not, please do as Ms. Moon says and get yourself checked for strep.

Hugs, friend.

Not Blank said...

Fates and Furies.

There is no light, just greyness

Unknown said...

Fates & Furies also - Still in the first part. Everyone assures me it will get better.
I so identify with you dear Denise - Those New Yorkers piling up while I watch CNN
xxoo B.