Sunday, December 30, 2012
Dear Monin, You just might change my life
My mother is not an alcoholic in the way that we normally define alcoholism. She rises at a proper hour. Has her un-spiked coffee. Prowls around in her p.j.s a bit. Tidies the kitchen, maybe folds a little laundry, feeds the cat, reads the paper. Throughout the day we discuss the news, perhaps go to a doctor's appointment, take a walk, chat about birds, or what photos family and friends have put up on Facebook. It's a reasonably productive day for an 88-year-old who's got a laundry list of maladies.
If I had a cuckoo clock, those five cuckoos would send me running in Hitchcockian terror. Five o'clock is martini time. She pre-mixes her brew. Keeps it in an old Gordon's bottle in the fridge. It's ready to pour. And pour. And pour. I schedule nothing for myself after 5 p.m. A short walk around the block for sanity just after dinner if I really feel that I'm about to go out of my fucking mind from enduring the previous 21/2 hours of word-slurring, nonsense, tipping, and careening.
Oh, yes. I've asked her to cut back. Talked about the ancient liver not metabolizing. The neurologist told her that her biggest fear should be trauma--i.e. falling. I've reiterated. But, no doubt, one day she will fall. And I will bet you a million dollars it will be after 5:00 p.m.
There. I've had my little rant.
Now, has anyone out there in cyber-martini-land tried the Monin gin syrup? It's non alcoholic. Can I get away with thinning out the Gordon's with this stuff? Mind you, this is a woman who does not want her martini shaken over ice. She wants to taste the gin.
Oh--and how can I get it from England for a reasonable price? It doesn't seem to be marketed here. Maybe Monin has plans for Coors syrup in the U.S., but that's not going to help me.