Sunday, December 2, 2012
So......A Woman Walks into a Bar
"It's their birthday," the woman said, righting herself after stumbling through the restaurant's patio gate. The waitress greeted her and the three nearly identical golden retrievers without any fanfare. As if triplet birthday dogs dined on the patio every day. "I wouldn't be opposed to a doggy birthday treat," the woman said, and then ordered herself a house Chardonnay. The wine appeared almost instantaneously, and a minute later the waitress brought a dish of some sort of grilled meat skewered with birthday candles. I expected singing, but the woman carried the dish of meat to an empty table in the corner while the dogs morphed into a good-natured Cerberus, their bodies moving as one as they followed her. The woman, her reddish blond hair the same shade as the dogs, dipped her fingers into the dish and fed each of them by turn. When the waitress returned to the patio to bring my wine, she paused at the birthday table. "They ate the dish," the woman said. Then she laughed and gestured toward the table in the corner. "Would you like the dogs to sing to you?" she asked the waitress as she fished her phone out of her pocket. Cyndi Lauper's "Time after Time" seemed to make little or no impression on the dogs, but the woman did a fair impression of what a dog might sound like if it wanted to sing along with Cyndi Lauper. "C'mon," she said, starting the song again. The canine chorus remained silent.