It not yet 8:00 p.m. here in Margaritaville, and I am in bed, wearing my warmest pajamas while the wind tosses patio cushions askew and makes my house feel about as airtight as tent fashioned from a fishnet. In bed with me is my heating pad, a sorry substitute for the man who loves me. The man is tucked into a hospital bed (where he's been since Thursday night,) and if the energy level he exhibited when I left him around 4:30 remains the same, I'd say he is fast asleep. Once again he's been laid low with a soaring white cell count, and this time he had a racing heart and a fever to go with it.
"You knock me out," he murmured when I kissed him good-bye. He looked at me the way he looks at me. Go ahead, imagine it--because I don't have the words for it. Maybe it's the way you'd look at a woman made of water if you were dying of thirst. The way you'd look at a woman breathing out sunbeams if you were freezing to death. Yeah, something like that.
I came home from the hospital and made my favorite no-brainer of a dinner. Salmon poached in a little vermouth, sweet potatoes, green beens, and sliced tomatoes and avocados. I loaded the dishwasher and left my 89-year-old mother to wash the pots and pans.
And in other news, before going to the hospital, I drove to 65 miles to a divorce mediation first thing this morning. Long time readers of this blog, those of you might recall its original name, which I am prohibited by order of the court to render into print here, sit yourselves down. The mediation went well. Yes, indeed, two months short of seven years since the uttering of the sentence with the trifecta of bad news (our marriage is over, I'm marrying someone else, and we want the house so we can raise our new family here,) the mediation went well.
It's been a mixed day. And while I would not have ever thought it possible seven years ago to imagine being more sad than happy on a day when the divorce mediation went well, that is how it is here on this particular evening in Margaritaville.
3 comments:
Sometimes life just does make me shake my head in wonder. How did we get here from there?
Peace, Mama. Peace.
You're dealing with so much. Bed by 8 pm sounds like the right attitude. And you do have the words. I can surely see that look. I hope the man rallies soon.
I sat down and then I leaned over and picked my jaw off the floor. I am so sorry, though, that The Man Who Loves You isn't well, that you are under such extraordinary stress. I'm grateful, too, that you receive those looks, that you have something to drink and a delicious meal in your belly -- oh, and you have beautiful feet! Those arches!
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