We've eaten the candy. (Okay, I've eaten the candy), half of the cookies, most of the berries. It's three nurses later. There's been a sandwich run. Wine has been poured. Hugs have been exchanged and stories told. Tears wept and wiped and wept again. Hands have been held. Hands have been massaged. Hands have been placed on Dan's forehead, slipped into his hands, and hands have stroked his arms and his improbably hollow cheeks.
Wishes have been whispered. Blessing proffered. Permissions given. Predictions made. Love given, received, multiplied and returned.
Meanwhile, my mother is standing in the kitchen in her purple plaid pajamas finishing her millionth martini.
And I'm just wondering. Anybody else out there have two Do Not Resuscitate forms posted inside their door? Just asking. Just asking. Just asking.
7 comments:
Oh god Denise. This is impossible. Sending love.
http://www.emsa.ca.gov/Forms
You can download it and sign it. It is the easiest and more expedient way now.
The last thing to go is the hearing, so keep on telling him how much you love him so the last sound to take with him will be your voice.
May you find some comfort in knowing that. I did when I walked on your shoes. A very ephemeral type of comfort but I would have taken anything and I am sure you would too to know that to the end you have done everything your could.
You. Present. Loving. Amazing.
You are giving Dan a wonderful gift, a dignified death, surrounded by those who love him, peace, comfort, love, kindness. It is a blessing for him, hard for you though.
I'm sorry sweetie. It's just fucking hard.
I am here, bearing witness, beaming love.
I am also here.
Here we all are.
No, most of us do not have two DNR forms posted on our doors.
I dreamed of you last night. It was sweet.
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