Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Pillvillian I'm Sick Blues

(with apologies to the inestimable Bob Dylan)

Mama’s in her bedroom
Mixin’ up the medicine
I’m on the telephone
Talkin’ ‘bout Primadone
The man in the white coat
Good doc, paid off
Says he’s got a bad cough
Wants to get laid off
Look out, Mom
You’re on Klor-con
God knows how,
But you’re havin’ some fun
You better run to the boat dock
Lookin’ for a new friend
The phlebotomist 
In a cubicle
Wants eleven vials
You only got ten

Fleet foot optometrist
Old Pulmonologist
Hearing heart beats, but
They put you in bed, called
The Cardiologist anyway
Medicare says that many say
They must have hearing aids
Orders from outer space
Look out, Mom
Don’t matter you’re too thin
Walk with a cane
Don’t try your brain
Stay away from assholes
That push Pantoprozole
Keep a clean house
You don’t need a pacemaker
To know which way’s the undertaker

Get old, get bold,
Hang around, get told
If anything’s gone to gold
DNR, no car
Bacteria, Hysteria
Look out, Mom
You’re gonna get hit
Oh, Medtronic
Gin and tonic
Hang around the pill eaters
Man with the oxygen
Wants a new pathogen
Don’t follow leaders
Eat Egg Beaters

Ah get born, keep warm
Nice pants, romance, learn to dance
Potassium, Calcium
Try to be a good mum
Please you, please me, buy gin
Don’t steal, don’t sin
Twenty years of Plavix
And they give you Coumadin
Look out, Mom
They keep it all hid
Better slug down some alcohol
Lower your cholesterol
Don’t wear anger
Try to avoid the cancer
Don’t want a genie
Just a martini
Microwave don’t work
‘Cause the Namenda’s in the blender.


Ms. Moon said...

This was WONDERFUL! I think Bob would laugh and love it to.

Elizabeth said...

Amazing -- you should upload to YouTube and it'd probably go viral.

Teresa Evangeline said...

This is great.