I voted today! Before I left California, I ordered an absentee ballot but I had no faith it would actually arrive. I figured the days would inch by getting closer and closer to the election while my mailbox sat empty and then a few days before the election, I'd have to call L.A. County Registrar and start over. The reason for my glum attitude was that I changed my registration address and requested the absentee ballot (which had to be sent to where I'm staying in Virginia) on the internet in pretty much one transaction. I thought the situation was far too complicated. But it worked.Before the next election, I will have to change my name and that will be a process that involves several steps. I'll be starting on that when I get back home. But meanwhile I've been living kind of a double life. It makes buying things on line very interesting. I send the stuff to the new me at my new address, but the old me who has the charge card with the old billing address (where Mr. Ex still lives and pays the bills) does the buying. But as of yesterday, that's changing too, since I finally got some spousal support and will now have my very own charge cards!
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Identity is such a fluid idea. It seems to be a solid construction and then I am in a situation with someone and I realise they only know one of my identities and they are really only interested in one or two of my identity roles and blind to the other, sometimes richer roles I play. I find myself feeling like I have multiple personality "disorder" except it is actually quite orderly. Shifting from actively engaging the energy of those various relationship patterns. And sometimes shifting from a totally different script. Like repertory theater where you play not just different roles but different authors and genres in different places and times. But instead of a different play each night it's a different play each hour. The big challange for me is to not engage in the old scripts even though I find myself in a familiar role (Mom)
It appears that you have done more work over the past year than I have accomplished since separating 5 years ago. Bravo! And thank you for sharing your journey. I am not through the grief but the scars are looking pretty healthy. I just have to stop picking at the scabs!
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