Dirty

And I suppose a clean heart is a happy heart. My heart feels a little grimy today. I lost perspective last night. It took hours to get my brother released from the hospital yesterday. The ineptitude made me suspicious and grumpy. If they can't do paperwork and are so bad at administrative stuff, maybe they didn't do a good job with the surgery either. And what the heck--should a guy who's just had some of his thigh bone sawed off and some artificial parts put into his body really be going home on day three post-op?. The hospital had no on-site pharmacy, and it was 6:00 on a Saturday night when we began the process of easing him and his new hip into his truck. By the time we got him home and realized he needed his meds, we remembered oh yeah, the prescriptions we couldn't fill at the hospital needed filling.
So dinner was late, really late, and that was my job. My mother had her two martinis on an empty stomach, and by the time the cheese sandwhiches and the chicken soup were on the table, it was as if the alcohol had performed some kind of reverse lobotomy, and agitation became the name of the game. I felt as if we were all on a boat as I watched my mom listing to one side. I wanted to be the man overboard then. I went to sleep clutching my cell phone to my chest thinking of all the things I wanted to tell the man who loves me--how I was feeling awful, and that I just wasn't up to this whole scene.
Only it really wasn't all about me. I guess I finally remembered that this morning.