My Various Nutty Internet, Facebook, Blogger, Word Press, email, and iPad Woes

Dear Evil Cybersquirrels,

Oh you minions who guard the gates of Internet land, let not my pleas fall upon deaf furry ears. 

1) Hasten to hasten my AT&T 3 G connection. Baltimore and its environs is not the moon. It's a major city. People who work in Washington live here.  C'mon.
2) Allow me, oh powerful ones, to comment on Word Press blogs. I am not a troll. 
3) Allow all worthy readers to comment on my Blogger blog. Encourage
 not a Blogger-Word civil war. We wish to be bloggers united, free to comment across the great divide and will divulge the location of secret caches of nuts if you tear down the impediments that mute us.
4) Allow my iPad to drag and drop....okay I'm begging now. Pleeeeeeeese.
5) Allow my outgoing emails to my divorce attorney to GO OUT or upon my return to the land of scraggly rattish-tailed squirrels, I will commence much mayhem.
6) Desist immediately in your misguided attempts to coax me to type upside-down foreign-ly accented words into a silly box every time I want to share something on Facebook. Sharing is nice, oh evil cybersquirrels. Sharing is nice. Nice. You little rabid assholes.