Monday, March 16, 2015

Small Kindnesses, Comfort, and There Are Things You May Never Know

I have a secret Tuesday night life.

Not many people know that I go dancing. I take a parks and rec department class--two of them, actually. Social dance, i.e. foxtrot, waltz, etc., back to back with Latin dancing. I have a partner. A hired gun of sorts, brought in by the instructor to dance with the single women in the class. Due to the fact that there is a very tall unaccompanied woman and a second very tall hired gun, the shorter guy is pretty much all mine.

There's a confluence of coincidences wrapped up in all this. My dance partner shares a name with the Someone and shares some physical characteristics with the man who loved me. The weird icing on this crazy cake is that we dance really well together. The guy is a really good dancer--or so it seems to me, but the instructor has commented more than once that I make the guy look good because I follow so well.

I follow.


Imagine that.

Can I tell you what a comfort and a relief it is not to be the boss of anything for two solid hours once a week? To place one hand in his hand and the other on his shoulder and move where he wants me to move. I'm not in charge of his meds, his bank account, his IRA. I don't cook for him or share a house with him. I don't take on his pain or his worries, ask him if he needs a hot pack or his coffee warmed up. We don't discuss the mortgage or taxes or if the trash cans got brought in or if should we get a dog.

I know very little about this guy. Almost nothing actually. His name. His first name. That he wants to become a really good social dancer. That he drives a Prius. That he also has a van in  which he sometimes transports his bicycle around because he's a fairly serious biker. He works out at a gym. He goes east when he leaves the rec center parking lot.

I think the only thing he knows about me is that I'm the caregiver for my mother. That I drive a Prius. That I go west when I leave the rec center parking lot. What he doesn't know about me is the comfort he gives me.

What if each of us were that secret comfort giver to someone? What if some small kindness that's just a fraction of someone's day or week was really so important that they counted the days or the hours until it came by again, and you didn't even know it?


lily cedar said...

That last paragraph is lovely. I never thought of that but it's true.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, this makes me so very happy.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, this makes me so very happy.

37paddington said...

This is lovely. Keep dancing.

Joanne said...

I like that notion. And it could possibly grow to be more. Possibly.

Bella Rum said...

I'm so glad for you. I remember being in the depths of despair soon after my father had a stroke. I was walking to my car in the hospital parking lot, and I must have looked awful. A stranger spoke a few kind words to me. I've never forgotten it. Sometimes you get what you need from a stranger and they never even know how much it meant.

Ms. Moon said...

This sounds like an almost perfect therapy. A beautiful thing. Dance, music, touch.
I am so glad you have found it.

SJ said...

I love this!

Mwa said...

This is so lovely. I used to go to ballroom dancing and loved that feeling.
And a wonderful thought that we all could be that for someone.