What I Did/Didn't

I really did scrub the grout. (see previous post)

I took a nap without listening.

I did everything I did without listening or watching.

I laughed.

I didn't cook dinner.

I didn't bring a martini out of its hiding place or dole out pills or inquire about pain or try to make myself heard.


Today while I walked on the beach, there was a sea lion in the surf. At first glance it looked as though it had a fishing net or some type of debris wrapped around its neck. It couldn't swim. It couldn't haul itself all the way onto the sand. There was already someone there from the marine mammal rescue place, so I walked on, swallowing the burst of tears that tried to surface. Probably today is the day this creature will die, I thought.

A little further on, I ran into a couple of friends. They'd been the ones who'd called the rescue place earlier. We walked back together and stopped to talk to the rescue volunteer. She pointed out that the animal did not actually have anything stuck around its neck. It was a scar from a previous entanglement, and the animal had been rescued before and freed. It appeared to be in the throws of the poisoning sea lions sometimes fall prey to from a toxin called domoic acid which is found in  algae.

As I think back, I see that scar, and my memory tries to convince me that the unfortunate creature was  entangled, strangling in its attempt to be free.